Be Good Enough not Perfect!

I’m not yet a recovering perfectionist but I hope to be someday soon. Aiming for perfectionism often steals my joy yet I find myself hopelessly trying to be perfect day after day.

This morning when I was listening to an audio book by Brene Brown, I came to the realization that I really needed to work on this. I need to quit trying to live and be perfect and learn to be happy with being enough. I wanted to become a recovering perfectionist and an aspiring good enoughist as she puts it so that I can see what it feels like to live whole-heartedly and to experience pure happiness again - that unbridled happiness that I can barely remember from when I was a kid.

In order for me to learn how to find real joy, I needed to first understand what was holding me back. What is perfectionism and how could trying to be my best or “the best” hold me back from living a whole-hearted life? Again, Brene Brown puts this into perspective. Perfectionism is not about striving for excellence; it is not about self-improvement or growth. It’s a defensive move – if we can look perfect or do things perfectly then we can minimize the pain of blame, judgment and shame….. or so we think. We may think that perfectionism is protecting us but it is really keeping us from being seen. That is definitely the case for me.

After learning all of this, I realized how unhappy I really was. Who was I trying to impress and why was I trying to impress them? Why would I aim for perfectionism when perfectionism isn’t even real. It is true - perfectionism is self-destructive because it doesn’t even exist. It is an unattainable goal. Perfectionism will not help me to avoid shame, it is a form of shame.  Was I ashamed of not being good enough or perfect enough? If I can rid myself of this destructive thinking and learn to be vulnerable and happy with my achievements, not only will I be able to find true joy but I will be free from the depression and anxiety that striving for this unattainable goal has created.

What can I do to become a recovering perfectionist and an aspiring good enoughist? For me, it is a work in progress. I will continue to listen to Brene Brown’s books and others that encourage whole-hearted living. I will do things that make me feel good about myself like working out or making choices that have positive results for me and my family and most importantly I will STOP comparing myself to others. I will also look for gratitude in things that might otherwise cause fear – fear because I am only afraid of being vulnerable.  This change of thought and attitude will take time but I would rather start now then look back on my life in the end and wish I could have done things differently or seen things differently sooner. 

Is perfectionism a problem for you or something you are working on overcoming? If so, please share how you strive to find joy and happiness in an environment that makes you feel you need to be perfect. If this isn’t a problem for you, I would love to hear your comments too!